I was welcomed into the home of a lifetime Khayelitsha resident. It was here that I was to stay for my “home stay weekend”. Our program directors have told us from the beginning that this weekend would be an challenging, our favorite part of the program, a once in a lifetime experience to see how such a group of people seeped in culture and practice live their daily lives. I think it is safe to say that I have had a taste of Xhosa culture since beginning my time here. I am taking Xhosa, the language, at UCT. Every Wednesday I have sat in culture class and heard about the responsibilities of children, the initiation ceremony, weddings, and newly weds. Each day my teacher, Titshala Abner, spoke he presented such a strong and proud culture for us to discuss.
I experienced some of that this weekend, some of that African culture; the importance of ancestors, the paternalistic nature of the people, the importance of community and friends. My host mom, Unice, said to me during the weekend, “if we meet a person they become friends, family. If you sit everyday on the bus with specific people then you better believe you will be at their funeral or wedding, because they are friends, family. She used the English word for friends interchangeably with family. The community spirit I experienced was one of continual openness and humbleness to those around. I was conflicted, however, on how far they take that idea these days. The idea I speak of is ubuntu. We learned of it in our Xhosa class as well as I had heard about from the Mike and Michelle Tessendorf before I came to South Africa for the first time. Ubuntu is the essence of being human, that a person is only a person because of the people around him. In Xhosa the word for person is umntu and for people it is abantu, ubuntu is made from that word.
The reason for my conflicted feelings was the complete willingness to open up in some cases and in others to let Western ideas influence the normal community actions. I was taken to a wedding with my host mom. Xhosa weddings take place on two days. The first day is hosted by the bride, in this instance it was what they call the “western style wedding” or a “white wedding”. The ceremony was in a Catholic church and the reception at the bride’s house. The wedding was beautiful. What amazed me was I was treated like an important guest. Two of the other girls in my program were there with me and we were embarrassed and humbled by the hospitality they offered to us. The three of us with our mamas’ in the front row, were served food first and were welcomed every time someone stood up to speak. By the end of the weekend, every time the groom saw the three of us, he welcomed us, told us to feel at home, and offered us the best seats in the house. Why this was such a shock to use was the fact that we didn’t know these people. They were completely happy to share their special day with complete strangers while the family of the bride (this was during the reception we went to) had to eat in the house and help cook. Just so you know the second day of festivities was hosted by the groom, our neighbor, and was the traditional side of the wedding. The bride traditionally lives with the family of the groom and therefore on the second day of the ceremony the bride is brought to new family she belongs to…this is just figuratively speaking now.
While the couple’s hospitality was shocking but great, I saw throughout the weekend how much Western culture influences this traditionalistic culture. Many of the girls we met were pregnant, Unice’s two daughters lived in her home, unmarried but with two children each. Also Unice spoke of how she no longer trusts all of her neighbors. Besides some interesting comments from my mama about how I don’t eat enough and don’t like mushrooms, the weekend was great and eye-opening.
Ps. I got to play both days with Unice’s 3 year, 7 year, and 7 month old grandchildren and 6 two-week old puppies! It was so much fun.
